Nostalgia

Something very strange happened recently. I need to write it down since it's probably too unusual for my mind to want to keep this memory available. For a few minutes, or hours, I felt deeply sad and melancholic, and at the same time very alive. The past was coming inside the present, and felt more real than what was around me. At the same time, those fragments of memories were leaving the present with repetitive elements of sadness, so it was a constant stream of sadness. It was melancholy, nostalgia (1770, "severe homesickness" (considered as a disease) from Gk. nostos "homecoming" + algos "pain". "wistful yearning for the past" (from http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?allowed_in_frame=0&search=nostalgia&searchmode=none ).
  But it's wrong, not a yearning, the past just imposes itself, and imposes the sadness from losing something: one is aware enough that the what-is-going-away doesn't exist anymore, so any action towards trying to retrieve it is worthless, yet one isn't aware enough that the past was not something really present to not feel the pain of losing it. A constant realization of loss with a constant "bringing up" of past things, like an unreal realization. It's a fake loss, a mind-trick, and now it has passed, and my mind is trying to tell me it was banal, benign, yet I know it was not. I couldn't express anything while it happened, and felt connected to humans better than ever.